Beach's Honey Buns
by willwrite4fics
Summary: Challenge fic, idea by Karama9. She'll be posting her version later. Honey on a character and taken off the character in an entertaining and unusual manner. Beach/CoverGirl Honey. Lots of it. Some cursing. ONE SHOT.


Here's a fic... this is in response to a challenge thrown out to me by Karama9. She came up with the idea and sort of challenged me to do it as well. We are both writing the idea in our own way, so look for her version of the idea coming soon in one of her stories! I'm certain her version will be much better, but here's mine! So thank her for this fic, and thank YOU to Karama9 for giving me plot bunnies that gnawed at my brain until this was written. Hope I got all the rules met!

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BeachHead was headed back inside the Pit, hoping to get showered and changed before the dinner meal started. He was eating with Courtney again, and they hadn't been fighting for three entire days, so he was hopeful he'd get to eat a meal in peace without any squabbles.

He wiped a hand over his sweaty hair. Half the afternoon had been spent rebuilding his upright wall. For the third time, the trainees driving a Mauler tank had managed to clip the edge of his wall and take it down. If he didn't know better, he'd suspect they were doing it on purpose. Of course, the fact that he routinely drafted the drivers and all of their friends to do the rebuilding work meant anyone smart wouldn't have done it on purpose.. more than once. It was so hot out, he'd finally dragged off his armor, followed shortly by the balaclava and eventually his sweater and tshirt as well. With half the men shirtless, a few of the off-duty ladies had decided to hang out nearby to oogle them and Beach had to spend half his time keeping the young guys focused on the work instead of on displaying for the women. Hence he was just a bit irritable as he headed up into the motorpool area. The loud cursing around the side of the huge building caught his attention and stopped him.

"What now? Danged buncha troublemaking idiots.." He turned and headed around to one of their loading docks where the big lift systems were located. The Pit used those to move bulk supplies down to the lower levels, including all the kitchen supplies. The last big load of kitchen supplies had had bags of flour which had turned into flour bombs when the greenshirts unloading them dropped one and decided that destroying food supplies was a better idea than efficiently moving it all downstairs to the storage areas. Some of them still twitched when they saw drinking straws after the torturous clean-up duty. None of them spilled flour ever again.

BeachHead rounded the corner and saw the small group of greenshirts spot him and scatter. He broke into a run. "Ya'll stay put! Dang it! If'n ya'll pogues done gone and made another mess... WHOA!" Just as he rounded the edge of the big transport truck, he tripped over a box of potatoes, staggering and trying to catch his balance before he fell into the loading ramp. He almost managed to regain his footing when he stepped onto a stray potato, which helpfully rolled under his boot and tipped him neatly over into the five foot deep dock ramp. When he landed hard onto his back, it drove the breath out of him although the 'thump' was oddly muffled. He decided laying there for a minute would be the best thing for him, at least until he could breathe.

"Sergeant major!" A few greenshirts appeared at the edges of his vision, peering down at him with expressions ranging from horrified to amused, although more appeared worried than anything else. "Are you okay?"

He rolled over and squished. "Aww.. dang ya'll little bastards..." A sickly sweet odor invaded his nostrils as he managed to coat himself thoroughly in the huge puddle of honey. "What the fuckin' hell is goin' on!" Raising up to his knees, he wiped ineffectively at his bare arms with hands already coated liberally. He was in the exact center of a puddle of what looked to be at least five gallons of sticky spilled honey. "Someone is gonna gawd damned well die.."

Private Mouth spoke up quickly. "It's not our fault! We were helping unload the supplies.. and, and... Tripwire was supposed to be supervising but he grabbed a huge crate and started to move it and he dropped it and it was honey and so there was this huge mess and we were just.. just discussing how to clean it up when you came running up and.. ummmm, fell into it." Mouth struggled not to grin, mainly because he knew he would be the first to die. "Are you hurt? Should I go get a medic?"

Beach regained his feet and shook his hands trying to shake off the worst of the globs of honey. "Mother fudger.. Ah'm gonna kill all of ya." There was a nervous drawing away by everyone. "If'n even ONE of ya leaves, Ah swear to GAWD Ah'll have every one of ya'll greenshirts on the danged grass for a week!" He skin crawled with the sticky mess on it and he climbed out, leaving a fairly substantial amount of smeared honey behind him. "Damn all of ya'll!" When he tried to wipe at the honey smeared across his chest, it pulled half the hair out and he growled in a low tone. "OWW! Dang it!" He snarled angrily at the closest greenshirt. "Ya'll get some sandbags and dump the sand on that spill, get it cleaned up. Ah'll think up something appropriate for ya'll to do fer the next month, don't ya worry 'bout that!"

"Yes Sergeant major!" There was a general scramble as the soldiers rushed to obey in hopes of both placating the angry Ranger and get themselves out of arm's reach before they laughed out loud at the sight. BeachHead watched them begin pouring sand onto the puddle of honey and slogged his way around to find a water hose.

Ten minutes of rinsing with the extremely cold water wasn't very effective in doing much more than annoying him and causing what few dry spots he had left to become soaked with both water and slightly runny honey. "Grrr... dang it!" Scrubbing at his hair made the honey coat all of it rather than removing any. He could feel the hair sticking in all directions. Rubbing a hand up his arm or worse, anywhere on his torso, told him that honey was a perfect hair removal system if one didn't mind a great deal of pain. The truly annoying part was that the sticky honey managed to yank out his body hair without removing itself from his skin. "SON OF A BITCH! It's in my DAMNED EAR!"

"Oh.. my god... Beach?" Just when he thought it couldn't possibly get worse, Courtney showed up. "Beach, what happened? What are you doing?" She covered her mouth with a hand and he scowled at her.

"Don't ya start up at me. Here.." He handed over the hose. "Just run the danged water on me."

She gingerly took the hose and made a face. "It's sticky! What's that smell?"

"A'course it's sticky! It's honey." He bent to stick his head under the running water. "Damn stuff won't come off! I swear I'm gonna kill all those greenshirts yet."

She smiled at the sight of the shirtless Ranger dripping and trying fruitlessly to scrub sticky honey off of his skin. When he stood up cursing again, she snickered. "Your hair is just... in all directions... Beach.. it's so funny looking..."

"It ain't funny!" He scowled and reached to turn the water off. "This ain't working." She snickered at him again and he frowned at her. "Shut up that laughing, this stuff hurts!"

She set the hose aside and wiped her hand a little trying to get the sticky residue off of it. "How does it hurt? It's just honey."

Beach held out an arm. "Look! LOOK! I got no danged hair left on my danged arm! It hurts! Maybe ya'll danged women like having yer danged hair ripped out by the roots, but I sure don't!" He fumed about it while she tried to smother her laughter. "It ain't funny!"

"Sorry... I know. It's just.. you look so ridiculous. Are you sure this isn't some subtle way to entice me into licking you?" She burst into laughter at the look that crossed his face. "I'm so sorry Wayne... you're... you're my honey bear..." She completely lost it and laughed until tears ran down her face.

"Really." He crossed his arms and waited until she calmed down. "Are ya done?"

She snorted slightly. "I think so.. sweetie." She snickered again while he rolled his eyes. "Sorry.. really..." She bent and picked up a leaf. "Here.." She stuck it to his forehead and giggled again. "There.. you know I'll never leaf you, honey."

"Very danged funny." He peeled the leaf off and tried to throw it away. When it stuck to his hand, he spent a minute trying to flick it off and managed to move it from one sticky hand to the other. Eventually he gave up and sighed. "Are ya gonna help me or not?"

"Oh you poor thing." She twirled her hand at him. "Turn around, let me see."

He turned obediently. "So? What?"

CoverGirl shrugged. "Oh I have no idea really.. I just wanted to see sticky buns." As she burst into hysterical laughter again, he put a hand on his forehead then had to peel it loose.

"Oh that's really it." He grabbed her by the arm and she struggled and squeaked. "Funny is it?" He pulled her in and body hugged her, rubbing himself to smear plenty of the honey on her.

"OH NO! GET OFF! GET OFF!" She pushed at him and squawked as he tucked his head against her and rubbed his hair into hers. "GET OFF!"

He grinned happily. "Oh I would darlin', but honey isn't a very good lube.. it chafes way too much." He turned loose and peeled strands of her long hair off his face. "Ugh.. so now yer all sticky too. Not so funny now, is it?"

She tugged bits of her hand away from her eyes. "Oh you bastard!" She shook her head. "Oh now I have honey in my EYEBROWS!" She narrowed her gaze at him while he smiled smugly back at her. "Fine, you want to play that way?"

"Whoa.. whoa whoa! What are ya doin'?" Beach jumped away too late as she scooped up leaves and threw them at him. "Hey! Dammit." A few minutes spent picking at leaves frustrated him. "Dang it woman! At least you just got honey on yer danged clothes!"

"So?" She tried to get the extra leaves off of her hands. "Oh man.. these just don't come off. How am I supposed to get this stuff off me?"

Beach finally grubbed up some sand out of the ground and rubbed his hands. "Well that works a little bit."

She shook her head. "I'm not rolling my head in the dirt. Hot water and soap will work just fine."

"Riiight.. I spent half a danged hour under the hose and I don't think any of it came off." He continued making muddy tracks on his arms, wincing as the hair continued to pull out.

"That's cold water you doofus. Come on... we'll go get showered." She gave a tug to his arm and he stood up and sighed. "Come on, a shower with soap isn't a terrible thing.. hasn't it been about a month since your last bath?"

"Shut up. You know danged well I shower." He tugged himself loose and turned to head for the Pit entrance. She followed him into the motorpool and Clutch let out a wolf whistle as her wet disheveled state. "CLUTCH!" The Ranger's bellow left no doubt that his mood was a poor one for putting up with listening to the mechanic's harassment to Courtney. "I hear one word outa yer danged mouth and they won't find enough of ya to ID by blood type! Ya got me!"

"Got it!" Clutch did run his eyes over the lean tank jockey with some appreciation however and BeachHead stood on the lift to go down to the quartering levels and scowled at him.

CoverGirl shook her hand trying to dislodge another bit of leaf. "You didn't have to get me all sticky too."

"Ya were laughin' at me." He sounded so sulky over it, she reached to hug him, ignoring the sticky noises as her shirt stuck to his chest. "Ow."

"I'm so sorry, honey." She snickered at his eyeroll. "Sorry.. pun. Hot water will wash it off, just wash your hair gently, so it doesn't yank it all out."

He reached to squish his hair some. "I oughta just shave it all off."

"Oh don't do that!" She sighed at him. "We can get it out of your hair.. it will just take some really gentle scrubbing."

"I dunno.." He poked at the lumpy hair again. "It could just be easier to whack it off."

"No.. don't. I like your hair. I'll help you wash it out." She stepped off when the lift stopped. He followed after her and they passed a set of offices. People poked their heads out to look after them and Beach scowled.

He stepped closer to her. "Ya ain't gonna go joinin' me in the danged shower Barbie."

"Of course I am." Her confident strides meant he couldn't pause to think that over.

Flint appeared up the hallway and glanced up as Beach approached. "Oh BeachHead.. I heard about the incident. Here's the form you need to fill out about the kitchen supplies that need to be re-ordered." The warrant officer stuck the page to Beach's chest as he passed. Beach stopped in his tracks and stood, jaw clenched as he mentally reviewed how mad Hawk would be if his Command Sergeant major put his Warrant officer into the infirmary. Flint disappeared into one of the offices and loud laughter was heard. Beach finally continued after CoverGirl who had stopped several feet up the hallway and waited.

She tried not to laugh as he peeled the sheet of paper off himself. "I know.. it's not funny."

"Yeah yeah.. whatever." By the time they had reached the showers, Beach had given up bellowing at the various people who managed to stick things to him. Pieces of paper were the object of choice for most of his tormenters. He'd also acquired two blank security cards, one map, four notepads and one shiny key to a Jeep. He'd also given SnakeEyes a coughing fit when the ninja spotted him in the hallways and began his silent laughter. CoverGirl stopped and grabbed up t-shirts and loose cotton pants in appropriate sizes. Her own scowls and snappish comments defending Beach had resulted in nearly as much laughter as the sight of him slogging down the hallways.

LadyJaye was just leaving the women's showers when they arrived and smiled at him. Her gaze traveled down the length of his body, taking in the bare torso with a smile. "Oh Beach..." He narrowed his eyes in warning which she totally disregarded. "I always knew you were sweet."

"Shut up." He held out a hand for the clothing and frowned when CoverGirl shook her head. "Aww.. come on, don't make me walk all the way back down there.."

"I told you I'd help you wash your hair." She stood firmly and watched his eyebrows go up.

LadyJaye's eyebrows mirrored BeachHead's. "Oh... I better go."

Beach watched Jaye leaving and turned back to the tank jockey. "Look, it ain't that I don't.. you know.. not that I would mind.. ahh.. seein' ya.. in.. umm.. the shower..." He paused and his expression went distant before he shook his head. "Not that I'm all.. about seein' ya in the shower.. but.. it's not appropriate."

She rolled her eyes. "Beach.. you can keep your shorts. I'm just going to get the stuff out of your hair. Okay?"

He chewed on his tongue a second thinking about it and nodded. "Alright.. but we're both gonna get busted." He followed her into the men's side where she plucked up a bucket from near the sinks. "You know.. this really is a bad idea..."

"Look Ranger man, you can keep your PANTS on if you're that shy." She looked down and added. "I'd suggest you take off the boots though."

Pursing his lips, he turned to look at the entrance and then shrugged and bent to unlace the sticky boots, tossing them into a bin to be carried out later. After another few seconds, he peeled off the fatigue pants and added them to the bin. Clad in just OD shorts, he led the way back to the showers and put the bucket under the shower head and plunked down on it. The hot water did begin washing the worst of the honey off his skin, stinging where he'd already peeled layers of skin off. CoverGirl bending over next to him and adding shampoo to his hair and scrubbing it through little by little.. it was distracting.. extremely distracting.

"Wow.. did you roll your head in the stuff Beach?" She added more soap to the mix and stuck her fingers back into the hair. "Am I pulling it too much?"

"Naw... is good.." He tilted his head slightly and closed his eyes against the sting of the soap. "All good.." She let him rinse his face off and then added more shampoo again. "Is it even comin' out or are ya just fondling my head fer no reason?"

She stepped closer to the front and smiled at him. "Well, would you mind me fondling you all that much?"

He stared up at her in the wet t-shirt and was suddenly wishing the water was cold. "Ahh...errr..."

Courtney looked pleased and went back to washing his hair for him, humming softly. "I didn't think so." It took a while but she eventually declared his hair clean and let him go. "Well, you can wash the rest of you now.. unless... you want help with that."

He stood up and turned to look down at her nervously. "Oh.. Ah'm sure.. Ah can manage.." His hand came up slowly to stroke her hair which had gotten soaked thoroughly. "Ya need me.. to uhh.. help with yer hair?"

She stepped up closer to him and smiled a little. "Well.. I think I can wash it myself.. but.. you know.. I think you still have a little bit of honey.. right here..." She reached up and pressed her lips just under his jaw. One slender hand slipped up around to the back of his head to pull him down slightly so she could move her lips along his throat to under his ear. "Yeah..I can still taste the honey..."

He sighed and felt his eyes cross. "Yeeeah.. prolly lots a honey left..." His hands moved to her waist, feeling the heat through her wet t-shirt. He bent his face downward to meet her lips with his. Despite the washing, he still tasted honey flavoring her lips.

They parted when the loud rowdy voices of some of Beach's greenshirts approached. Beach's gaze flicked up towards the doorway and back to her. He took a deep breath in slowly and shrugged. "Guess it's time fer ya to move to the ladies' showers."

"Yeah.. too bad.." She stepped backwards and picked up the shampoo to head out. The yelps and shrieks when the gorgeous tank jockey appeared exiting the men's showers made BeachHead smile to himself. If he had to be uncomfortable, at least the rest of whoever had interrupted them would be embarrassed as well. After peeling off the wet shorts, a good last scrubbing with soap removed the last remnants of honey from his skin.

He cursed softly a moment at his own personal discomfort. "Danged woman.. " He flipped the shower water to full cold and winced as the spray turned icy. "Aaahhhh.. gawd dammit.. yeah." Tomorrow at PT would be brutal.. if he had to suffer.. everyone else was going to suffer too.

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Ahhh yesss. Interrupted yet again. These two are indeed turning frustration into an art form. The challenge was to put honey on the person and get it back off in an entertaining and unusual manner. I hope it was!


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